12. Abang Long

My elder brother visited me yesterday while I was taking a nap. He woke me up and embraced me. He was never like that before. I felt awkward as me and him we do not  express our love openly, but I think he was overwhelmed to see me as we haven't seen each other about a year and a half. (I went missing in that period after I got depressed with Muscular Distrophy diagnose)

Early that week, I had brunch with Zam and Che Lan by the poolside at their condo and we were talking about how  difficult it was for most families in our society to express their love towards other family members. Zam said he was trying to change that by sending text messages to his mom saying he loved her and to his surprise, his mother would reply "I love you too,"  Zam tries to make it a habit by sending love messages to his mother and siblings. He wanted to express his love before it was too late and he had a positive response from his mother. Taklah macam sesetengah malay family apabila kita buat macam tu, rase pelik and kadang-kadang kita kene balik " Kau dah buang mentebiat?" some of the candid responses one would received.

Abang Long and I were very close when we were very young. He has a pleasant personality while I have a strong personality. Although he is older than me,  he sometimes was bullied by me, taking the blame for the things I've done. He loves me and always  became protective over me when were in the primary school.

I still remember one incident in Standard 1,  when the school bus had left me while I was busy playing in the field with my friends. When I found out I was left behind, I did not cry but walk up and down the lane where there were few buses still waiting for their passengers.

 I went to this  fat short bus but it was more like a fat van than a bus actually and asked the driver if she could send me home. I told her of what  had happened.  The makcik busdriver sent me home and I reached home before Abang Long reached home. Of course my grandmother was shocked  to see me coming home with different bus and the makcik sent me. I told her of what happened and she was angry at me for being irresponsible.

When Abang Long reached home, I hid before the couch. I saw him crying outside the house calling for my grandmother and told her that I went missing and he couldn't find me. I could see that he was not just sad but panicked. Then I jumped out from behind the couch and laughed. he stopped crying and hugged me and said "Jangan buat macam tu lagi tau," That was when we were still very young. As were grew up, we grew apart...

In our teenage years we hardly talk. After my SPM I left home to do my matriculation and A-level till I finished my degree. In that period I hardly came home and even when I was in Australia we didnt contact each other. When I came back for good after I had finished my studies, we became like strangers to each other. He stayed with grandma and I was staying on my own but visiting grandma from time to time.

I called Abang Long and he answered my call and we talk for awhile and that night we had dinner together, just the two of us but I tried but couldnt brought the matter in our conversation but I just wanted him to know that nothing will ever change,  the fact that he will always be my Abang Long no matter what.

On his wedding day, I became his best man and even when  during the lunch at the reception, Abang Long grabbed my hand and asked me to sit next to him which I did. We became close again briefly but not as close  as when we were young.

I had lunch with Abang Long in my bedroom yesterday.  He wanted to carry me on his back to go through the split level as I could not climb the staircase to the dining area.  I refused to be carried on his back because I was not sure if he could stand my weight to carry me on his back.

I just wanted to be in my room. Abang Long decided to have lunch with me in my bedroom. We talked and were  reminiscing our childhood memories. Before Abang Long left,  we shaked hand and and I bowed my head to his hand to show respect and he kissed me on my forehead, expressing his love openly which he  had never done that in his entire life as my Abang Long. I was pleasantly surprised .

Like Zam and Abang Long, more and more Malay families are not shy anymore in expressing their love to their loved ones. Let our loved ones know how much we love them. I have finally found my Abang Long whom I thought I have lost all this while.